Life
by Tk Hikaru
Summary: Axel x Roxas is by no means my favourite pairing despite the fact that this is my second fan fiction for them, this was a request. I suppose while I was writing this I wanted to play with the idea of the 'Nobody' their existence as unfeeling beings.


From the top of the clock tower Twilight Town looked so small, small enough even to be mistaken for a toy town. A toy town? Exactly this place was nothing more than a holding pen, a toy to the organisation. As his eyes followed the tiny specks of movement Roxas felt smaller and more insignificant that ever. He kept thinking to himself or rather he kept telling himself that he was a nobody and it was impossible to be 'feeling' anything. Yet more often it felt as though his very insides were being turned out, DiZ had told him about this, he had simply said 'the past was stirring'. Soon enough the past and his present would meet and what then? Would everything he knew disappear? He felt a shiver run over him, a strangely pleasant shiver that he felt whenever those eyes were upon him.

"I knew I would find you up here."

"Not now Axel, I want to be alone."

"When haven't you wanted to be alone recently?" The red head quipped playfully sitting beside his young friend and handing him an ice cream. "It makes me wonder what you're hiding from, or who you're hiding from."

"The past."

"Ah…" Axel gave a slightly amused sound. "The past he says. The unchangeable, unavoidable past. What a Roxas thing to be running from."

Their eyes met for a moment and Axel chuckled to himself more.

"I wish I could look on it so lightly… I see things that I don't remember, I keep seeing things through 'his' eyes."

"Natural wouldn't you say?" The red head replied with a shrug and a lick of his ice cream.

"Maybe but… I keep feeling…" Roxas looked to his friend desperately. "That's not possible for us… is it?"

Axel shrugged. "You should know, you're the special one."

"I'm not special… I'm a freak."

"They're not your feelings so what are you worrying about? They're not your feelings to be concerned about so just… Don't think about it too much."

They sat in silence for a while in a way just enjoying one another's company, there was nothing left to say and as Axel saw his friend wasn't feeling exactly talkative. Maybe he could provide some support just by being there. Casting his eyes to the horizon at first Roxas then dropped his attention to his hands. He wanted to explain that there was more to it all than just that but he couldn't find the words. Just as he parted his lips to say something there was a blinding pain in his head like a knife, dropping his ice cream over the edge Roxas put his hands to his head. The image of a silver haired boy appeared in his mind, strong and confident. Something inside stirred uncomfortably and in response Roxas moaned in pain struggling to his feet and stumbling back against the tower. The silver haired stranger's name played over and over in his head in a voice that wasn't his own. Even thought the name sounded familiar the face was not one that he knew.

"Roxas!"

The unfamiliar face vanished as he felt Axel's hands on his shoulders. He slowly opened his eyes and yet even though he could clearly see Axel before him the feelings would not fade. Those feelings, that sensation.

"Is it my own? Is this me?" Shaking his head violently the blond tried to rid himself of the alien feelings. "Sora…" He threw himself back against the wall hard trying to beat it out of himself. "Get out of my head! I haven't got a heart! I can't feel!" Stubbornly Axel firmly gripped his friend's shoulders in concern. Yet Roxas only grew more confused a nobody could not and should not feel concern. "We are nothing! This can't be real!"

"Snap out of it Roxas."

Struggling the blond fought to be free of the firm yet caring grasp. "His voice is in my head! These memories they make me…. These feelings… GET OUT!"

Flinging off Axel's hands Roxas turned to flee but with nowhere to run like a frightened animal he stumbled over the edge of the clock tower.

"I've got you." The voices, the white noise, the rushing and flickering images began to fade and Roxas found himself safe in Axel's embrace. In his haze he had almost fallen to his end. "Roxas look at me."

"I can't… These memories hurt, they make me think that I love you."

"Look at me."

With Axel's voice having grown so soft and his words seeming so inviting Roxas couldn't help but slowly look up at him and open his eyes.

"Ax…el…"

"You're not a freak. I believe that we can feel. I think we can make our own feelings, our own memories." Roxas' previously wild and frightened eyes calmed down as he watched Axel's smile slide warmly across his face. He had never seen such a genuine expression from anyone apart from in the memories stowed within him. "Truth is… you make me feel."

At a loss of what to say Roxas began to pull free, but sliding his hands from the blonde's shoulders to the small of his back Axel held him firm. Their eyes searched one another's face for a clue to what the other was thinking. Now in this moment it was hard to figure what to do next. It was a new experience for them both. Taking the lead the red head leant in for a short kiss but Roxas stopped him with a gloved finger to Axel's lips. He gazed with inquisitive sky blue eyes at the expectant mouth moving his fingers across the smooth lips. The older male kissed Roxas' touch gently and in his insecurity the blond dropped his hand looking down and thinking hard trying not to blush. Unable to think of much else Axel pulled him close and kissed his forehead. Sighing a little while feeling overwhelmed and even a little tearful Roxas leant into Axel's arms.

"I…"

"Just let it go Roxas, whatever is inside you let it be free and the rest will work itself out. If you run too fast looking for the meaning you'll never find it. Take your time, keep your eyes on me and your hand in mine and I promise we'll look together."

"What about…"

Axel smiled not needing to hear the end of the question. Leaning in to touch his nose to Roxas', he hesitated a little before putting his lips to the blonde's. Sensing no rejection he took the kiss he had waited for. It lingered sweetly on and as he drew away Axel couldn't stop smiling.

"Thanks Roxas."

"What for?"

"You make me feel like I have a heart. You help me know what it feels like to live. Don't you think that's something to fight for? Fight for a life? For us?"

Roxas blushed slightly and Axel stole the moment to kiss him again quickly. Their embrace deepened and for a third time their lips met, this time on Roxas' terms. A gentle breeze brushed by them, blessing their first memory, their first feeling together.

_"I don't understand…."_

Axel had waited some time in the shadows, Roxas had vanished without a trace and it was only the red head that truly knew what he was thinking. He was sure it was suicide, he had a bad feeling about all of it. He had to convince Roxas against this whole idea or risk losing him forever. No one knew how things would turn out if the two should meet, Roxas and Sora. Footsteps signalled someone's approach and Axel watched as the cloaked figure went by him.

"Roxas… come back, we need you."

"We?"

"The organisation."

"What about you? Do you need me?"

"Don't talk like that! Roxas you know the answer to that…"

"I have to go."

"No! No…" Axel stepped toward Roxas putting a hand on his shoulder but his love coldly shrugged it away. "You might not ever come back. I couldn't…"

As he felt the past shift suddenly within him Roxas flinched dropping his hood for a moment to breathe in deeply. He put a hand on his chest and straightened up but didn't turn around, he hadn't the heart,

"It's almost time, past and present will collide."

"Roxas…"

"I have to meet him." Roxas didn't look back to Axel afraid of the hurting expression he might see there. "I'm not afraid anymore, as long as someone is around to wield the keyblade it doesn't matter if it is him or me. No one would care if I was gone."

Putting up his hood Roxas began to walk away and in desperation Axel reached after him but couldn't move from the spot routed by his failure.

"Roxas!" It couldn't be goodbye for real did their love really mean so little? He dropped his hand to his side defeated and sighed sadly. "I'd care."

Unable to control or understand the tears escaping his eyes Sora clenched his fists on his knees as Axel smiled calmly.

"I don't understand! Why? Why would you save me?"

"Love."

"Huh?"

"Love. Got it memorised?"

"I don't…"

"I really wanted to see him again but it's too late now huh?"

He smiled at Sora giving a small laugh. Sora shook his head in disbelief, he couldn't comprehend Axel's actions but most of all he couldn't understand his own feelings. The heartache as Axel faded away forever. He tried to stifle a great sob that made his entire body heave, he covered his mouth with the back of one hand then wiped the escaping tears away.

"I… just… Axel… Why?"

"_He made me feel and you make me feel the same way…"_


End file.
